The word loses all meaning

In addition to the silliness that was Wanted, last night's screening filled me with severe irritation because of the previews. First off was the increasingly impressive looking Eagle Eye. I'll grant that DJ Carusso's re-working of North by Northwest the way he re-worked Rear Window into Disturbia looks fun, but it's what followed that raised the bile in my throat.

The Mummy Three Hollywood? Really? Hasn't this teat been suckled of its last ounce of rancid mummy-flavored breast milk? In a summer with already one staggeringly lackluster mid-century burly adventure-man film I have to ask who is the audience for this? Anyone young enough to actually want to see this probably hasn't seen the first two. And if you've seen the first two Mummy movies well you've certainly learned your lesson by now. I don't care how many creatures they cram into the preview (but oh how that Yeti does make for some tempting material, resist nerd, RESIST) the Sickness isn't buying it. I do eagerly anticipate seeing this film on a plane. It look PERFECT for a plane. I also love the fact that the O'Connel's son has somehow aged about fifteen years while Brendan Fraser's Rick looks EXACTLY the same. I also love the fact that they try to hide the fact that Rachel "An Oscar means I don't have to do this crap anymore" Weisz has been replaced by Maria "Did it on the stairs" Bello. Also the word "mummy" is used more times in this preview than it appeared in the last two movies combined. Check out Rob Cohen's latest here.

For all its faults at least the Mummy movies look like everyone is having (or trying to have) silly fun. The same cannot be said for the drab and dour palette and attitude of the truly awful looking Death Race, a remake of Paul Bartel and Roger Corman's Death Race 2000. This movie is especially awful in that it has completely missed the point of the original. In the original cult classic, the premise was that participants raced on an open track that dominated the American landscape causing mayhem and engaging in all sorts of vehicular manslaughter for points. The America of this film is so enraptured of this bloodsport that it's an honor to be struck by one of the cars. Hell, they wheel out old people out of their homes and line them all up like dominoes. It's bright, shiny, Swiftian satire. So our dear executives have decided that THAT should go right out the window. Now the race is run by a sinister looking Joan Allen and its only participants are prisoners so that the teeny tiny audience brains need not be hurt by any kind of moral ambiguity. Our hero is Jason Statham, a professional race driver framed for murder. Wouldn't you know it that the same gesture made by the murderer is made by someone at the prison he's shipped to? Oh no, a set-up! Now Statham must race for his life in the Death Race. See the whole movie in trailer form (see now I don't have to see it at all doubly).

No Fair Lady

Nuh uh. No way, sorry Columbia Pictures, that dog don't hunt. Behold the source of my disappointment and frustration here. Moriarty of AICN raised a good point the other day. What's supposed to happen in twenty years when the well is dry and every movie in existence has been remade? Remakes of remakes? How will a public raised on a generation of slushy retreads react to (wonder of wonders) an ORIGINAL idea? It's especially frustrating when a studio thinks they can or should touch a fairly established film classic. What the hell is wrong with the original My Fair Lady? And yes before the rain and thunder comes down on me in the comments I am aware that y Fair Lady is itself a re-telling of Pygmalion (which itself takes cues from Ovid's Metamorphosis) HOWEVER it should be noted that something entirely different was done with the material, it was musical-ized. When one compares the two works one is not looking at a carbon copy. There already exists a perfect film telling of My Fair Lady which works with audiences of any age or generation. George Cukor's clear, direct presentation combined with Lerner and Lowe's lush score and Edith Head's gorgeous costumes present a singular experience. If one is going to remake a film why not pick a film that wasn't particularly good to begin with (Ocean's Eleven) or re-contextualize it (The Thing) or pick one that is obscure to modern audiences (3:10 to Yuma). But remaking My Fair Lady with Kiera Knightley? Really? Surely there must be a good, NEW script out there?
To paraphrase Professor Henry Higgins:

Why can't the studios leave well enough alone
Another wretched remake making audiences groan
Why not a new idea to make the coffers full
Instead of this endless remake bull-

Here's to the ladies who lunch...instead of going to the movies

In Sunday's New York Times Manhola Dargis went to task on Hollywood for continuing to make films that appeal to and star men and women are becoming an afterthought in film altogether. She cited this summer's slate of male oriented action blockbusters (is she only noticing this now?) and the failure of last fall's female starring films. While the numbers certainly indicate that films with strong female leads aren't pulling in audiences Dargis' "reasoning" for this doesn't amount to much more than a lot of posturing and whining. She also uses the article to go off on a tear about the Apatow male leads being soft, weak and feminine (effectively acting as both the man and the woman of the film-now who's being sexist). If anything the failure of female driven films is indicative of women actually being SMARTER film-goers then men. The numbers show that the coveted 12-28 male demographic studios crave are rarely discriminating. They go see movies regardless of quality. The fact remains that in the long run the great movies get seen (even if they are only discovered years later at home). Maybe women just have a better bullshit detector than men. Dargis cites her disappointment in the failure of Invasion and the Brave One as a result of the studio not pushing the films enough. Really? How about the fact that the movies were AWFUL? The current success of Baby Mama certainly illustrates that a film with female leads can be successful if it's marginally clever, a fact Dargis buries way at the end of her piece (she also cites The Devil Wears Prada-as so many articles like this have). Dargis keeps using qualifiers to exempt films with women that actually did well ignoring films like Enchanted and Juno because they dealt with princesses and pregnancy respectively. She balks at No Country for Old Men as a boy's club affair forgetting that Kelly MacDonald gave one of the best performances in the film. It's a no-win affair with Dargis. Frankly, like most things Hollywood is cyclical and just as Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Katherine and Audrey Hepburn all once reigned supreme at the box office, it will happen again. You need to open your eyes Manholia it could be happening right now.

Angry, ANGRY BLOGGER!

Life is getting me down today. Perhaps I'll look to the movies for inspiration, what say you mad prophet of the airwaves Howard Beale?
Yeah, thought so.

Good night for "them", lousy night for me

Damn it.

And with that, a ticket to Night at the Museum 2 was sold, but under much duress I assure you.

Damn.

Maybe if I shove my fingers in my ears and just hum "Happy Working Song" loudly to myself it'll make the unfunny go away. That certainly seems to work when I want to avoid conversation on the subway.

Oh man, if the combined might of Gervais, Rudd and Van Dyke couldn't polish the last turd I don't know what chance she has.

The Very Moment I Became Old

The other day I brought my laptop to class (to get a little extra work done at work) and as the kids walked in one of them noticed my background, the poster for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. She remarked "what is that?" and I answered. Another girl pipped in with "Oh yeah, Indiana Jones, that's like National Treasure for old people."

National Treasure for old people.

Said student then remarked "Nicholas Cage's hair is so cool in that movie. It's all slicked up."

Sigh.

Meet...the Devil!

I just snuck a look at Friday's box-office take and I am INCREDIBLY disappointed in you America.

I can't even make this up: here is the total for Friday for the number one film Meet the Spartans...ugh, I just threw-up in my mouth a little.


Get this: $6,660,000!!!

666

666

666

Don't believe me? See the Satanic truth here.

Oh Lucifer, you're getting sloppy. I could clearly see this was YOUR handiwork.

Monday Night Monologue: Mad as...something

There's a lot of things in the world to be mad about: the death of Benazhir Bhutto, the presidency of George Bush, the entertainment journalism of Billy Bush, the writers strike, Iraq everything, the president of Iran's visit to New York, the Spider-Man reboot, that kid who knocked over the table in class today (all my stuff was on there) and of course Marion Cotillard's Golden Globe victory over Amy Adams. Well Paddy Chayefsky, Sidney Lumet and Peter Finch have got your back angry internet reader.

Howard Beale: I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us. Now into it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad. Worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore. We sit in a house as slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, and TV, and my steel belted radials and I won't say anything." Well I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crying in the streets. All I know is first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm a human being. God Dammit, my life has value." So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" I want you to get up right now. Get up. Go to your windows, open your windows, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Things have got to change my friends. You've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open your window, stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Network is an odd duck because it was oddly prescient at the time it came out. Except now it seems that it just didn't go far enough, we're way, way past it. In today environment Beale seems embarrassingly tame compared to your O'Reilys, your Olbermans your etc. Media satire and criticism has morphed into a giant monster beast that render the movie tame and irrelevant. Still the acting and scripting are sharp especially given the context.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of...The Golden Globes

For SHAME Hollywood Foreign Press! For f'ing SHAME! I will be adding to this post later but with little exception I am MOST displeased. I think you can all guess what I'm PARTICULARLY upset about.

MARION COTILLARD OVER AMY ADAMS!

REALLY?!


REALLY?!

This:


Over This?:

What's that you say fictional Hollywood Super-Agent Ari Gold?

REALLY!?!

Updated with actual content (kind of):

The Good: Sweeney Todd's win may hopefully give it some award show traction which I wish to then turn into traction for a much deserved Burton nomination. But considering its opposition consisted of Across the (snicker) Universe its win is not so staggering, even in the face of the rising popularity of Juno.

Daniel Day-Lewis DRINKS YOUR MILKSHAKE Denzel.

Yay for Ratatouille a clear-cut much deserved win.

Julie Christie, again given the bracket, deserved the win. Same goes for Depp, considering the bracket. I'm not upset about Bardem's win but there were a lot of worthy nominees.

Good for Julian Schnabel as I do think the direction in Diving Bell was top-notch but potentially at the cost of Burton's nomination? I'm torn.

The Bad: MARION COTILLARD OVER AMY ADAMS! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I can't imagine her being beaten by a worse opponent oh my poor Amy. I hope this doesn't kill her traction. Hey you know who didn't do their own singing? Cotillard! You know who DID do their own singing? AMY ADAMS! You know who complained and bitched unconvincingly for two hours? Cotillard! You know who effectively portrayed a human incarnation of an animated princess discovering the perils and joys of being human? ADAMS!

I've started reading Atonement and it is a textured, wonderful novel but it only serves to underline how inconsistent the film was. Still, as was pointed out the best picture Globe winner is generally not an indicator of the winner (Babel anyone?).

Cate Blanchett's win is laziness, pure and simple. She's great but she's hardly earth-shaking. Swinton or Ryan would've been much worthier wins. Hell even Ronan would've given a good spee-never mind.

The mostly rote adaptation of No Country (Those lines everyone likes? All Cormac) over Juno, weak!

As much as I enjoy the soundtrack of Into the Wild (and I do) come on I defy you to tell me the lyrics of any Eddie Vedder song "Sabigsahhhhhh" Brilliance. Poor "That's How You Know."

Ugly: Spending an hour with Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell. Awful. Thank god for beer, the great entertainment equalizer. And talking about winners and losers right after someone has won is all well and good when you're at home, but to do so during the ACTUAL broadcast. TACKY!

License and Registration Please

Sure the Federal Government is pretty crappy when it comes to say...oh I don't know, disaster relief, international incidents, respecting the rights of all its citizens regardless or race or gender or socioeconomic status, maintaining habeas corpus and keeping a shred of civility and good will towards other countries. BUT there is one thing I respect the government for and that is the National Film Registry, at least in theory.

Every year twenty-five films are selected and placed in a vault for preservation by the US government. Not bad right? The independent committee that selects these films tends to do a pretty solid job of mixing critically acclaimed films from a variety of genres or films of great social importance. Thankfully the guy up top has nothing to do with the selection because frankly there were only so many prints of Delta Farce made. You can take a look at the official press release (which has that weird formatting problem where every type of punctuation becomes a "?"-score another one for the USofA) by clicking here. You can see the 450 other films found in the registry here.

What is it about treasure that makes Americans such dumbasses

So let's see here, three (3) great movies opened this weekend and factor in all the older but no less great films like No Country, Juno and of course Enchanted and what may you ask was number one at the box office over the combined might of Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks and John C. Riley...

National FUCKING Treasure 2

Nice, real nice. Hey forthcoming brilliant portrayal of Joker as essayed by Heath Ledger, what do we think about that?
Yeah, thought so.

Much thanks to beacoupkevin.com for the pic.