Piaf vs. Pilaf, the brawl to end them all

I received La Vie en Rose from netflix the other day. The buzz had been mostly positive so I figured I'd give it a shot. Wrong!

Here are four reasons why rice pilaf is better than this biopic about Edith Piaf.

1. References to pilaf have been made since the time of Darius in the ancient Persian Empire, since then the rice has continued to exist in a linear fashion becoming a staple in many different European and Asian cuisines into the modern age.

La Vie en Rose, the story of Edith Piaf jumps all over the place in its timeline without any justified reason except that is something other directors have done. When they jump its not even to underscore or contrast, it just jumps ahead.
2. Rice pilaf is generally browned in oil and then cooked in seasoned broth. Its delicious but always tastes like rice.

Marion Cotillard plays Edith Piaf throughout all her life, evoking a variety of postures, wearing bad aging make-up and silly wigs. She also doesn't do her own singing.
3. Rice Pilaf makes for an excellent side-dish, always nicely complimenting a main course.

In La Vie en Rose the viewer never really gets a sense of the people who influenced Edith Piaf or helped her along the way as characters hastily enter and exit.
4. Rice Pilaf lasts until you're done eating. In case you've made too much you can always refrigirate and microwave later.

In La Vie en Rose, Edith Piaf and company stick around for an hour more then is necessary. Here's an idea, why not cut all those scenes in the old age home. Or yet another montage of person becomes famous and we see their newspaper clippings

ADVANTAGE: PILAF

This bird's gotta fly, for some reason I'm hungry.

Oh and they didn't translate the song lyrics in the subtitles-WEAK!