Thursday, April 3, 2008

Skrulls among us

Your blogger lives a not-so-secret life where he's as big a comic book fan as he is a movie fan. Yesterday, for those of you who had social lives in high school may not know, a new company-wide storyline began in the Marvel universe where alien shape-shifters known as Skrulls revealed a several years (or is it several decades? DUM DUM DUM) long plot of infiltration amongst the Marvel superheroes. In other words the likes of Spider-Man, Wolverine, Iron Man and Luke Cage may not be who they say they are. This got me thinking about what actors have likely been replaced by Skrulls.
Nicolas Cage-Shortly after winning his Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas the daring, balding, nuanced actor who had appeared in films by David Lynch and the Coens was replaced by an over-acting, shrieking weirdo who alternated between dumb action movies and dumb thrillers. The real Cage broke free from his Skrull holding pen in 2002 for the sublime dual appearance (a second Skrull perhaps?) in Adaptation but was quickly recaptured. Sean Penn has mocked this skrull in order to bait him into revealing himself but like much of Penn's political advocacy his attempts have been more amusing than successful.
Kevin Spacey-The noted character actor with a penchant for playing crafty psychopaths had a remarkable decade of performances including The Usual Suspects, Seven, Glengarry Glen Ross and L.A. Confidential. Shortly after his Oscar win (hmmm is there a Skrull warship floating over the Kodak Theater?) the Spacey beloved by cinephiles was replaced by a preening blow-hard who phoned it again and again doing sappy dramas and bland thrillers. They even rubbed it in our faces by putting him in a movie where Spacey THOUGHT he was an alien. Skrull bastards.
Steve Martin-Reports vary about when the beloved comedian/actor/writer was replaced but many theorize it took place some time in the early to mid nineties. The brilliant, smug comic became a purveyor or lame family fare and the genius who brought us The Jerk, L.A. Story, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and The Spanish Prisoner was replaced by some white haored moron who fell down, a lot. The Skrulls periodically allow the real Martin to pen short stories, novellas and pieces for the New Yorker. Rumor tells that the real Martin's cell is marvelously decorated with fine art from all over the world.

These are just three Skrulls, there are many more out there. Any ideas readers?


Frank said...

First off...*ahem*


Secondly, you completely ignored "Matchstick Men," which I think is Ridley Scott's finest film since "Alien". I thought Cage was really solid in that.

WaywardJam said...

Intriguing theory. Explains a lot about those folks.

I think Eddie Murphy and Cuba Gooding, Jr. are Skrulls. In Eddie's case, he must have an air-tight cell somewhere b/c he literally vanished off the face of the Earth after Boomerang (He did escape briefly for Dreamgirls but he's Skrull'n once again.) Maybe they get time off for good behavior?